From my yellow notebook  9

I know, I create, I do, I love.




I succeed or I learn.




Life is short; I want to enjoy it lengthily.




It's my actions which create my motivation.




I try to achieve my dreams with rigidity.




Start from scratch and continue. Start from a "no" and continue.




Feeling good. Right Now.




When is dad my father? When is mom my mother?




My "Exaggeration up to the ridicule" method acts.




To step back apply to all spheres of my life.

Very intimate diaries  8

Sometimes in the morning I'm dreaming and when I wake up I'm still in my dream as if my brain thought it was part of reality and when I return to reality, I’m often very depressed because of the reality check.




I noticed that when I’m less physically active ... I become more tired.




When I’m told that I have a lot of "presence" it’s generally when I feel the most fragile.




I tried the thing with the elastic at the wrist; it seems to have some effect. But in the long run my wrist gets very reddish!




I’m again and again obsessed with the thought, “What will soon happen to me?”




Writing, eating, drinking, making love, laughing are in pleasure’s world my top 5.




When I’m writing, my sentences on the lines of my notebook remind me of those little paths that I created in the sand with my toy trucks.




Slowly, in my head, I’m going from total monologue to genuine dialogue.

This n’ that  7

Go directly from the soul’s wound to art...

The fear I have is future failures because they’ll surely be.
So??

I don’t want my life’s tools become "plasters on a wooden leg."

I dream of having an epiphany.

If I could see my future, I think I would stop living.

My feelings are often sawtooth: I like it, then I don’t like it, then I like it, then I don’t like it, etc.

There’s gesture and "non-gesture".

I can be very superficial sometimes.

Part of me believes that to be alive and well... I have to feel discomfort.

I "bought" a way of living and doing which doesn’t belong to me.

To love deeply one’s work is a reward every day.

I'm obsessed with my craving to create.
I’m obsessed with my craving for freedom.
I'm obsessed with my craving for truth.

Lights  Scrapbook  3

Impassioned by passion.

- Francoise Sagan -

As long as I'm alive I can always rebuild even with ruins.

- Martin Gray -

Dreams can die but not dreamers.

- Gilles Gérardin -

Even if life has no meaning what prevents us from inventing one?

- Lewis Carroll -

I am what’s around me.

- Wallace Stevens -

Fear asks me to take action

- Julia Cameron –

Happy is he who forgets what cannot be changed.

- Unknown -

Being rebellious is to refuse the world is frozen.

- Benedict Duteurtre –

Well-being is chosen every day. This is something moving, not stopped.

- Guy Corneau –

We build ourselves telling our story.

- Boris Cyrulnik –

When your look on things changes, the things you look at change.

- Wayne Dyer –

Very intimate diaries 3

I have intense emotional paralysis. (...) It’s true that there’s some anger in all this. A big bundle of anger. In fact, it’s hundreds of small, medium and large rages all piled on top of each other.
That's what has paralyzed me, I guess.

(...)

Does fate really exist? Is it what I thought it was when I was young, and I felt I had something great to achieve?

(...)

(Another Day)

I live my life a lot on pity and the idea “not to disappoint.” I don’t live my life in function of me a lot I think…

(...)

All I know is that I try to be approved, validated constantly.

(...)

(Another Day)

It seems to be going rather slowly… That's good!  I'll have more time to mourn a number of things ...

(...)

Do I have any superstitions? Telling me that if things go well, I will pay dearly, it is not a superstition, right? Sure!!
Luckily that I told myself I no longer had them!!

(...)

(Another Day)

Things take place one by one, slowly.

(...)

Sometimes, I'm afraid to write... I know how it’s demanding and what that costs me in energy ...

(...)

(Another Day)

I just read Brainlock (Jeffrey M. Schwartz)

 
(...)

Sometimes that lasts for two full days (the obsessive negative thoughts). And there may be residues (flashbacks) for the next three, four days. It's so ingrained in me ...
For de-focused, I sing a little. I also use a mental positive picture.

(...)

Do I still have the right to dream?

(...)

If my fountain pen had the strength of the biggest will in the world...
Could it be possible? I wish…

From my yellow notebook 3

I am a believer... in Jehan.

When I dream of my unconscious, is a sign that things are changing?

Why live in a dream the present state?

Use the bottom line method.

How can my actions give me more strength and safety to the cocoon which I created?

To repeat in my mind: It's not my judgment it's theirs. It’s not mine!

To dare is to learn.

To act is to learn.

To repeat in my mind: I take my responsibility; the rest is not for me.

I love life.  I love my life.

Now!

Be always as a beginner.

Live up all my fears ... and then get rid of it!

What do I want to protect me from?

"He’s wavering... like the wind."

This n' that

What's the strangest about this "re-conquest," it's that I change while being the same.

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At first, the person whom I made responsible for my blocking was my father. 

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Younger, I dreamed to be a professor or an archaeologist, and somebody important.

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I think that my creativity is the source of my soul.

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When I was a child, my father thought that my art, my creativity were useless. It triggered in me a feeling of anger. 

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I remember when he said to me, towards the end of my adolescence, that I would never be able to make a living as a artist. I felt very sad and angry. I have never forgotten this moment. (Ironically, this recollection is more and more vague today...)

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When I was a child, my mother taught me that dreams were impracticable. I remember that she always told me to snap out of it for my own good.