This n’ that  8

Young, I dreamed of being a professor, archaeologist, sociologist or psychologist. And someone important.

Probably my creativity is the source of my soul.

Refusals are never final and these requests denied, could lead me to other people who are as important and influential.

In acting, I take control of my life. I become anxious when I don’t act because I lose control of my dreams.

My priorities:
1) Creativity 2) Freedom 3) Success 4) Security 5) Comfort 6) Exploration
7) Adventure 8) Power 9) Passion 10) Health

I am freely obliged to die.


I feel the need to constantly "untie" me from others.

I have periods of single nodes and I have periods of complex nodes.


Why am I so different?

I learn to write, to put it in a constructive, scalable way on people and my surroundings

Take time to spoil me, feed me.


Levels of death through the ages :
1) A very long time ago, we wondered if the body was dead;
2) Later, we wondered if the brain was dead;
3) Today, one wonders if the person is still experiencing emotions.

I continually need to prove myself that I have the right to speak, to think, to write.

When I deny and denigrate all and everything, it’s because I became a loser.

Because he’s unknown, in an unknown environment, with unknowns, he knows he’ll be all right.

Very intimate diaries  7

Sometimes to write asks me no particular effort; everything flows, regardless of the quality and quantity.

When I'm happy I reward myself by eating comfort food.

When I’m not happy, I let steam off by eating comfort food.
What’s a vicious circle yet...?



I don’t flipping care about so many things!



My new obsessive ideas are often old obsessive ideas with new makeup, new clothes and a new hairdo.



I decided that luck existed. Bonne chance!



My initial “sense of urgency” has been gradually transformed into despair.



I’m endowed with strength, power and an iron discipline that allows me to build... and destroy.



I guess I have the friends I deserve.



I need to unravel my negative patterns stitch by stitch before being able to start thinking knitting it back positive.



I try to stuff myself with my life’s tools on and on.



Many of my negative life routines were positive at first.



I’ve been questing for so long that I don’t know what I’m looking for anymore.

I am and I already have all I want without knowing it, without seeing it.

Narrative 10

G.'s raised collar :

I remember G. in high school, grade eleven. She was always dressed to the nines. She very often wore three-piece suits to come to school, almost always blue but in different tones. I always had the impression that she was dressed to go to a wedding ... or a funeral.

She was sitting in front of me in History. One morning she arrived dressed in one of her famous suit, but what was different is that the collar of her shirt was completely raised.

Sitting behind her, I saw this huge raised collar - shirts in those years had gigantic collars - and I decided on the spot to fold it down before anyone notices the "serious mistake "; her collar rose without her knowing! So I leaned on my desk reaching for her big collar and slowly I folded it down into its original position with my hand. I sat back on my chair with a sense of accomplishment.

G. then turned round giving me an interrogator keen eye and in front of the silent class raised her collar mumbling that this is how she wanted it.

Ô Shame! I, who had never dared to speak to this girl, whom I secretly liked, she scoffed at me in front of the class. (Well, in front of myself actually!) I felt so disgraced in front of her for the rest of the school year; an asshole who didn’t know the current fashion was raised collars!

The irony is that five or six years later, I began to raise my collars, not of my shirts, but of all my coats.

G., I have never forgotten you, you know; even today, whenever I raise my coat’s collar, I have a little thought for you...