From my yellow notebook  5

I'm confused, I'm dizzy, because I learn to operate differently.

My daily repressed anger; learn to "get it out" ... daily!

Polluted thinking; if I'm not 100% sure to have what I want, I tell myself that it's not worth the effort.

When I want to do something, drop the "pressure of perfection."

The desire to act, the pleasure to act and the pride to act, that's already in me.

Doing it for the sake of doing it.

I sometimes need to pressure me ... to fight the pressure!

Being happy with the success of others could indirectly increase my inner well-being.

When I think of the result right away, I block my momentum in everything I do.

Everything I’m searching is already in me; I just have to make a little more room for them.

Often instead of doing what I really want to do, I spend three tons and a half of energy into anything else.

Some "I don’t care" are often well placed!

Very intimate diaries 2

I am looking for my inner dynamo.

(...)

I'm glad I managed, gradually, in "downloading" of things.

(...)

 

And if I could express my anger and pain by drawing?

(...)

(Another Day) 

I think the Morning Pages make me feel good inside. I seem to crush, to eliminate fears and everything else. As if that was cleaning in full every time.

(...)

The important thing is to keep writing (regardless of frequency). I know at some point I'll end up getting a more regular and a more frequent pace.

(...)

I'm scared I'm so scared. As if I could ... As if all good that can happen to me masks a great misfortune. As if I should not move, speak, or do anything, or something will explode. Otherwise, misfortune appears. I mustn’t tell him (the misfortune) that I found positive and happiness. As if a murder is committed, otherwise. And it's loud it's so strong it's unbelievable. Once again, it's really crippling.

(...)

What do I do with this little “creative genius” that I have in me? He won’t die that’s for sure! I wonder why he's so strong ... (...) It's so strange ... Looks like it's there to allow me to get the steam out.

(...)

I don’t create because I’m in a crisis, and I’m in a crisis because I don’t create...