Very intimate diaries  8

Sometimes in the morning I'm dreaming and when I wake up I'm still in my dream as if my brain thought it was part of reality and when I return to reality, I’m often very depressed because of the reality check.




I noticed that when I’m less physically active ... I become more tired.




When I’m told that I have a lot of "presence" it’s generally when I feel the most fragile.




I tried the thing with the elastic at the wrist; it seems to have some effect. But in the long run my wrist gets very reddish!




I’m again and again obsessed with the thought, “What will soon happen to me?”




Writing, eating, drinking, making love, laughing are in pleasure’s world my top 5.




When I’m writing, my sentences on the lines of my notebook remind me of those little paths that I created in the sand with my toy trucks.




Slowly, in my head, I’m going from total monologue to genuine dialogue.

Very intimate diaries  6

The important thing is not to take it personally.

(Another Day)

The Salle au miroir (therapy); I can’t wait to see what it’ll play out...

I thought I was patient, but in reality I have an impatient nature.

I am constantly or very often barking up the wrong tree. I'm out of touch with my reality.

As long as I shall sprinkle fear in everything I do, nothing progresses.

It's so taking to be angry.

I have a throbbing headache with all these upheavals.

(Another Day)

I'm glad to finally focus on myself.

I remain extremely fragile at the slightest shock/event, big or small, that happens to me.



I want to live large.

It’s sometimes so painful inside me that I can’t appreciate the fact that I’m alive and in good physical health.

(Another Day)

When I can, I eliminate “obsessive reflexes” that I meet along the way.

I understood something not long ago: a lot of things that I built in my life were with fear, rage, anger and frustration. Result: that led my "successes" to be tinted depth of all these feelings. No wonder they didn’t "stick" in my life, they were ephemeral. A kind of Teflon effect.

I think that Teflon effect comes from the fact that I don’t often built with what I am deeply and intimately; I build on constant compromise without listening to my intuition.