Lights  Scrapbook

In life, there’re no failures; as long as I draw lessons from the events, I succeeded.

I'm not depressed; I’m sometimes in a quiet period before the action, I am in transition.

I'm not lost; I'm sometimes in a research period.

I have not failed: things are sometimes postponed.

Friends are angels who put us back on our feet when our wings have forgotten how to fly anymore.

To believe in something and not living it, it's dishonest. -Gandhi-

These are the choices I make that affect my life, not the circumstances. 

I think my potential, and my learning are unlimited.

I can at any time change the course of my life by taking a decision.

I don’t have to know exactly what I want to do when I do an action.

That's when I fill my life with tools that I live my true life.

I am a source of change. I have this tremendous power to change by myself.

Very intimate diaries

Antidepressants have taught me how my brain works.

(…)

Get out of self-sabotage.

(…)

To believe that I am on the road to recovery, I need to feel and see real change.

(…)

Looking for therapeutic triggers that’ll bring the changes I wish for.

(…)

Six, seven months after Mom died, the image of the tyrannical tigress is gone, replaced by that of a sweet woman. (The image I had of her in her youth, and I've always kept, was replaced by the image of an aging woman of its last days.) 

(…)

I have a lot of incredible feelings of revenge, anger and frustration in me. A rather explosive combination. 

(…)

I want to get back to the "world before." 

(…)

I have my legs, my arms, but sometimes not all my head ...

From my yellow notebook

Dissociate the first effort, which I need to do to begin something, with the vision I have on the result.

Pull off the "excess baggage" in my head by acting out.

Thank Life, there’s a “deadline” before my thoughts become a reality! I have time thus to revalue my thoughts and to change, modify, adapt them if needed.

When I drove around at night, the headlights of my car only lit a hundred feet in front of me and another hundred feet and another hundred feet, etc.

It looks like my life …

Don’t think about "how," but to live, to be.

To work like I’m playing.

This n’ that 4

To prevent me from being beaten in the schoolyard one day, Mrs. Laurendeau, my 6th grade teacher, kept me with her in the classroom. I then cleaned the cupboards where I found a picture frame of Marguerite Bourgeois. Mrs. Laurendeau gave it to me. I kept this picture frame with me for years and years.

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When I was a child, I learned that sex and money were “big sins,” and I had to be very careful not to "commit" them.

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I’m sunset yellow, light of life and joy creator.
(Really??)

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Not changing, secures me. My mold then remains unchanged, intact. I am safe, because nobody hurts me.

Changing = depression = failure.

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I shared my bed, one evening, with my cousin J. who was on a visit. We spoke about the Universe, which was infinite.  J. told me that the Universe didn’t have either beginning or end. I incredibly panicked all night long and I couldn't sleep at all!

I was nine or ten.

(My inner secure design of the whole world collapsed. I felt like suddenly I didn’t have any grip on anything anymore.)