This n’ that 4

To prevent me from being beaten in the schoolyard one day, Mrs. Laurendeau, my 6th grade teacher, kept me with her in the classroom. I then cleaned the cupboards where I found a picture frame of Marguerite Bourgeois. Mrs. Laurendeau gave it to me. I kept this picture frame with me for years and years.

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When I was a child, I learned that sex and money were “big sins,” and I had to be very careful not to "commit" them.

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I’m sunset yellow, light of life and joy creator.
(Really??)

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Not changing, secures me. My mold then remains unchanged, intact. I am safe, because nobody hurts me.

Changing = depression = failure.

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I shared my bed, one evening, with my cousin J. who was on a visit. We spoke about the Universe, which was infinite.  J. told me that the Universe didn’t have either beginning or end. I incredibly panicked all night long and I couldn't sleep at all!

I was nine or ten.

(My inner secure design of the whole world collapsed. I felt like suddenly I didn’t have any grip on anything anymore.)